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Da Great and Mighty Muffin!!!

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deus THIS machina, k? Oct. 6th, 2009 @ 02:49 am
Didn't think I'd be writing here again...honestly....never thought I'd be writing about this, right? Been avoiding talking about it...worried that the mists that obscured my soul would suddenly part, revealing the true vulnerability of my wretched state. Yet here I am...and it's OK....you know? I just am. in love. and the world is still there...and my life still progresses...and it's good and I'm happy. I thought I wouldn't....couldn't be here again...and I not only am...but it's better than I've ever remembered it. Life's been so sere...so dry of the joys and pleasures of my spirit....the mind retreating to it's haven of ordered protection...to languish serenely within a blanket of loneliness and despair. Yet, I couldn't leave this life undone...my path untrammeled...I needed the journey...no matter how much the sorrows and chains of the past still plagued me. and...look what I have wrought....and it's....sheer and utter bliss...it's the madness of a thousand lifetimes culminating to a pristine serenity and pleasure I can't describe with mere words. I'm happy...and this is my journey...and now...someone is walking it with me...
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Tabu - Wolsik

BALLZ. May. 15th, 2009 @ 06:06 am
sorry - just in a Dr. Horrible kind of mood lately.

I'm back?

sorta kinda...I may make this my "Tony's Adventures in AZ station...who knows?

no revelations today....SSDD still.

more later though....I promise.

Current Location: Chicagoish.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Jethro Tull - Locomotive Breath

Hey. Jul. 16th, 2007 @ 05:11 pm
I am back. that's a good thing, no? I guess...I should unleash a tsunami of events, happenings and occurences in my cosmopolitan series of staggeringly powerful lifestyle appearances. (hey, at least I've gotten more succinct, right?) sigh. that's all for now...I'm a touch beat.

Current Location: Evanston (for now)
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Monkees - Why Am I Staying Round?

Life Does NOT Have A Creamy Nougat Center. Oct. 30th, 2005 @ 07:46 pm
I won't bemoan the fact that I have'nt written for aeons....nor will I apologize for the tone of this dictate to the silence. I just wish - that I had better things to report, something shiny and faboo....with lots of prezzies and happy happy fun stuff. I just wish...that I was in a better frame of mind - a new strength lent to my holy quests and missions of destiny - purpose revealed, pristine ephiphanies and really awesome parties with lots of headonistic mischievousness. My redemption isn't anywhere near the horizon as far as I can tell, and I know...I know....aren't I supposed to make my OWN salvation of this stagnant existence??? I just don't have any answers...not that I expect any to begin with (maybe that's my problem) I just don't know.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: "Blackbird" - The Beatles

my kingdom for a Deus Ex Machina.... May. 24th, 2005 @ 08:45 am
I'm lowballing it a bit...I hesitate to estimate (wow...really bad rhyme...) my "kingdom's" worth...else I sink deeper into the funk of my current existential dilemmas. This is my 1st entry in a few months...no reason other than RL getting all indignant and testy in my face, wish I could just sock it one and scream at it to leave me in peace. OMGD is it ever so bad right now...but ummm...it's OK? My life could best be described as a rolling truck full of either pillows or nitroglycerin and I'm heading for either a munitions dump or a massive series of Buster Keaton like mishaps designed to put me in the best place possible. Forgive me if I'm not rooting for the explosives combination.
Current Mood: restlessrestless
Current Music: "Let Go" - Frou Frou
Other entries
» whoo hoo.
and here it is folks....my 2nd entry this month! huzzah. sorry, just feeling all of cynical and gloomy humbug today - tried to orchestrate a meet at my place, all was goin well - (sorta...sorta...sigh.) until it got all tense and unhappy...I won't go into the gruesome details...but the little gathering ended on a downer of blah magnitude - and I'm just unhappily concidering not inviting the cause over again...EVER. I'm too bummed to even really go into it - but I just feel kind of disappointed with everything today - and I have to stop letting it get to me. that's all for today - yay.
» back am I......ick.
it's been a while since my last posting - and I am sorry that I have missed so much....but there are valid and compelling real like nastiness that has been my focus of late. Much of this unhappy situation hasn't been resolved as of yet - but I am pushing forward, albeit at a stagger pace. things that should have been resolved at this point have either mutated into a nastier variant or the solution has been delayed to a snails crawl. there's much more to this situation than simple misfortune and ill advised decisions could possibly illustrate. just getting back online and writing this is enough for today - I'll try to get back soon.
» out of focus
so here I am - less sick, more stable (financially that is...;) ) and getting my instructors and classes in order...alls I need is a new place by December and a bit of serendipity. brighter note of sorts - am seeing RAW this Monday - and have an anime convention to peek at this Saturday...as long as I keep up my assignments and my health and fair fortune stays on an even keel - I should be quite pleased with upcoming life and such. of course - all this multi-tasking isn't without a price...I am just getting very scatterbrained at times...more often than I'd like...but I'm hoping more sleep and generally taking it easy might help some. still redefining my reality as we speak...tis a full time gig - I'm afraid. but at least things are finally taking an upwards turn.
» Birthday
I'm not going to be maudlin today...I'm going to try not to let myself get affected by everything that happens 10 times over just because it's my birthday. I'm going to try to just let this day happen. I'm going to do my best for my own relative sanity and peace of mind...to just let things go - so no playing "Black Celebration" by Depeche Mode or..."Unhappy Birthday" by Morrissey...I'll be kind to the half-ass gestures of well meaning friends and family.....and not dwell on all the troubles in my life moreso just because it's my birthday. and I'll try to not condemn all those family and friends who forget that it's my birthday as well...even if they may deserve to be yelled at for some reason or another...I will try. and finally...even if not ONE soul wishes me a happy birthday today...I will try to have one nonetheless.
» what's wrong with this picture?
I need some kind of time out from dealing with this existence...I think that I'm making changes to deal directly with the problems that I'm facing - yet they all seem to be the wrong way to do so...there IS no right way it seems. I try to be honest, forthright...honorable...I won't sacrifice integrity or self-esteem...and I try to be as compassionate and as understanding as I know how...yet...it feels like I'm just pissing folks off...like I can't please anyone by being a decent person...(at least in my eyes...) I'm tired of being the Judas goat here...and I refuse to shoulder any burden of responsibility for another person's issues...yet...is it wrong of me to care?
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